Courage and Determination

I’m always afraid to start for fear of messing up. Once I start I want to do it right. A flawless performance without much practice. But that’s not how life works. Success doesn’t come through praise. The peace comes through growth and learning. Practice is messy, and others can help you along the way but sometimes you wanna make your own mistakes. You don’t want the help of someone who is trying to help you get it perfect quicker. And what’s the definition of perfection anyway? What is the point of mastery? Where is the learning with the absence of mistakes? How do you stand up taller if you never get all your work knocked to the ground? Why are expectations the things that dictate the measure of what we should achieve? Who put them in charge?!

This often paralyzes me. It’s been a tough fight but I’m powering through it. I mustered the courage to try growing some plants! It probably doesn’t seem that risky, but I don’t exactly have a green thumb and I can’t have a dog where I’m living right now. Besides, I thought it might be a good idea to learn how to take care of a plant first. It’s such a thrill to see something I planted start to grow! But some things are taking longer than others. Patience in all things I suppose.

But to see progress…that is worth all work and waiting. Even though it’s only been a couple of weeks since I first planted some seeds, I’ve already learned a little bit about sticking with a project even when it gets hard. I am the kind of person who is more likely to get bored and think I’m not good enough to work on a certain skill or try to improve in a way I want to. But I hold that power. I can change. I can grow. I can create something new with the right amount of nurturing and care.

We all know the definition of patience: the ability, or capacity, to accept or tolerate any form of antagonist or force working against us or conflict without losing our ish.

So maybe I’m the little plant. Maybe I need a little more sun, a little more water, and a little bit more of what’s actually good for me. Maybe I need a bigger pot and need to let my roots grow deeper. That can be scary. The pot may feel too big but I can grow the confidence to fill it up, to spread wide and spread deep.

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